I’m writing this from the asshole of the world – Miami airport. I’m gonna post stuff about this trip in my other journal. You can check out all my whining about that over there.

I miss Maddy like a fish out of water…misses water. I’m not sure how that saying goes, actually. I don’t feel that way just because I’m traveling but because I can’t read her any more. Her journal has been my rock for almost a year. I adore her writing because it makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. She’s made me feel good about myself. And I love hearing about her everyday self. It makes me feel close to her.

So now, because she’s got someone in her life, I can’t read her any more. I hate that. She’s actually been tempering her entries in consideration of my feeling. That’s how absolutely wonderful she is. But I don’t want her to do that. It’s just not right.

I hate that I haven’t got the strength of character to accept some happiness in her life. I hate that I’m that selfish. But I am.

Dammit, I miss her.

Arc