She got me thinking, as she’s wont to do, about my sense of friendship. She says “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12”. I can’t really say that.

I guess I was a lot more like her when I was younger. I had close friends when I was a kid but they came and went as I went through different phases in my life. I can’t say that any of them stand out in my memory any more than any of my other friends later in life.

I’ve moved around this country a fair amount. As I’ve moved from one city to another, my friendships from previous locations have generally faded away. It’s not like I’ve pushed them away or anything. It’s just that when I leave, I leave it all.

I think I’ve said in the past that I don’t make friends easily. Well, that’s true. I tend be pretty guarded about relationships of any kind. But when I do make friends, on those rare occasions, I get really clingy. That’s not everyone’s cup of tea and, funnily enough, I pretty much reject people that are like that.

Luckily, I married my best friend who didn’t mind that in me. I did date a friend who became a long-term relationship. Again, I didn’t push her away but I moved to a job thousands of miles away and let the relationship fall into nothing. I actually thought I loved her. Turned out it was more like the Stockholm Syndrome. I was more like her prisoner.

But I digress.

All that to say that my most lasting and memorable friendships happened in my adult life and, at that, pretty much in my mid-20’s. Luvofmylife is one and Buddybee is another.

While we drift in and out of each other’s lives, Buddybee is someone I can absolutely rely on to keep in touch. He’s always there when I need him. I know that if some tragedy befell me, he’d, without a doubt, be there for me.

But that’s it. Well it’s not, actually. There are rare friendships that come once in a blue moon, if they come at all, that are absolutely precious. I had that and, through my own insecurity, ruined it. I still count her as one of my dearest friends…

Well, I won’t go any farther down that road since I promised not to whine any more.

I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even read me any more but ……oops!

WHINE ALERT!

I have lots of friends at work – mostly women. I think people generally like me although I’m not sure why. If they don’t, it’s not all that evident to me. But work friends are different. You can be pretty close to those people but it’s only because we’re pushed together by circumstance. I don’t know why, but I always distrust those friendships. Maybe I’m just afraid to get too close.

Anyway, I’ve run into the occasional childhood friend, and it’s always been a huge let-down. I find that we almost never have anything in common. My sister’s husband was a friend of mine in my teens. I see him quite often, obviously. But we now have absolutely nothing on which we can find common ground.

So, no! I can’t say that I pine for my childhood friends.

But that’s just me.

Arc