What�s more, any semblance of cute left me ages ago. The only thing I had going for me at one point was my cute butt. At least that�s what my wife......

Can I just digress here for a bit to express my extreme dislike for that word - WIFE. It makes her sound like some charwoman washing and cleaning and running after a pile of kids in a dowdy old dress. That�s just not her!! I�m the one who does the chores and I love to spoil her rotten. And after 24 years we�ve manage to avoid the burden of child rearing... Not gonna happen now.

So how to refer to her...spouse? Yuck...The missuz? I don�t think so...she who must be obeyed? Not likely. Partner and friend just don�t express the closeness of our relationship. So what to call the love of my life, other than by name. Maybe I�ll just call her loveofmylife. Yeah, dat�s de ticket! From here on (in this diary, anyway) my wife/spouse/missuz will be called loveofmylife.

Anyway, back to my butt!

......used to tell me. So, around age 45 (I�m not exactly sure when) my butt fell completely off. What�s up with that. One day I have a butt, the next I don�t. I heard I guy perform a comedy routine on the subject of men�s butts falling off in their mid-forties in a club in Hamilton. It was pretty funny. But I didn�t think it would happen to me. It�s like a lot of things I guess. It was loveofmylife who told me about it. One day she said �Where�s your butt?� Then she sobbed a bit and that was that.

Now when I sit down my tiny little butt gets sore in no time. It�s like sitting on plywood. Maybe that�s why men my age are always sprawled out on the couch. It�s just to spread the weight out over a larger surface area. Well...maybe not.

Anyway, I read all these diaries of twentysomethings and wonder why they�re complaining - of life, of getting older, asking why they�re still making mistakes at �their age�. I�m here to tell ya, folks, that it doesn�t get a lot better. What happens is that you doubt yourself more and more �cause you keep making stupider and stupider mistakes. Sometimes I feel like I haven�t progressed from the age of eighteen. I know that�s not true but there are days...

Well...

Here�s to wisdom. Hope I find some someday.