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It�s starting to feel like I�m playing to an empty room here. I�m beginning to think that Maddy and I are the only people in here - us and the crickets.

So�I�m making a SHAMELESS plea to anyone who reads this diary, if there is anyone, to drop a message in my guestbook. It�s not difficult, just press the guestbook thingy at the bottom of the page. Tell me whether you like my diary, don�t like it, think I�m pathetic, an asshole, a geek, whatever.

Just don�t sit there, SAY something.

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I�m feeling a deep sense of sadness right now. I�ve fallen in love � still falling, actually. The realization is just setting in that I have to place a limit on that love.

See, I�m married to the love of my life. I truly believe that I can simultaneously love someone else without diminishing my love for her. So I do (love someone else), INTENSELY. In a very different way, but INTENSELY.

So�I�m having to pop this thing into cruise control and get my foot off the accelerator. Not to stop the car or even to slow down but to maintain the speed we�re at right now. I CERTAINLY don�t want to stop.

And, really, that�s probably a good thing. I�m falling so fast that I just don�t know where it�ll end. I want to savour the relationship we have, to maintain an even pace.

Bye the way, I am not by any stretch of the imagination, a great romantic lover. I don�t go looking for romantic encounters. I do flirt, but if you�d see me, you�d know that I don�t have a hope in that direction. I�m no Casanova. But love CAN jump out from the least expected places sometimes.

She�s the girl of my dreams. If you knew more about this romance, you�d know just how true and pure it is. You�d know that it�s based on something much deeper than physical love.

So what the hell am I complaining about then?

If Girlofmydreams is OK with this relationship and she SAYS she is, what�s the problem? She�s my closest friend and, to me, true loving friendship is the most fulfilling relationship possible because it lasts your whole life. I should be happy with this situation. Most people would kill for this.

That�s it!

I�ll just soak in what we have right now. I just have to exercise a bit of self-control. I can do that. We can let things happen as they happen.

Situations and conditions can change so much, but I know that I�ll love her for the rest of my life.

Arc